Crime and Fear

Well I got a phone call last night from the political party I belong to. They wanted to know if I was happy with how things are going in our town and how I felt about the things I wanted to see changed before the election. So today's post is going to be about something that I am terribly embarrassed about but I guess I should voice. I am afraid of being a victim again. That is my biggest fear. One of my biggest concerns before the election was security.

When I was a teenager, our house was robbed during the day when nobody was home. It is the most horrible feeling to come home and find everything so messed up and to have the thought of somebody going through and helping themselves to your most private possessions. Nothing of real value was taken, I think it had been kids, but that feeling remains. As time went by I got over that feeling but I still think about it from time to time. Several years later, my mum was the victim of an armed robbery when she was a teller in a bank. That was a huge scare but mum was fine and again, we moved on.

A few years ago, here in Belgium, we had our car stolen from our own driveway, down beside the house. I was hanging out some wash on a rack right next to the window where the car was on the other side. I heard a car start and drive off around 4.30 or 5.00am but thought it was our neighbour going to work or something until we discovered the car was gone when Hans went to go to work. It was a struggle for quite a while, until we had saved enough for another car. We relied on friends a bit and sometimes borrowed my father-in-laws car. The public transport around here is not good. So for a while, it was hard. But I was not in danger and there was no direct threat to me, and it was just the car stolen, and that is why I am embarrassed to say that I still have such fear. I feel so foolish and keep telling myself that it was nothing but I can't help living in fear.

Now we park the car in the driveway on the other side of the house, right outside the bedroom and kitchen. I will not turn off the kitchen light until morning. I keep it burning the entire night until either it is daylight or our neighbours have arrived to open the shop. I check out the window about 20 times a night, every single night, just to make sure the car is still there. The slightest sound outside freezes me to the spot. The baker delivers to the store next door around 4am and I will stand at the door when he is there or if somebody else has pulled up in front of the shop. I watch and listen until they are gone. Often on weekends, drunk kids stop and chat in front of our house, I don't know why they choose our house. I will be there watching the car or trying to peek out the window or listen to what is happening but am too scared to go outside. I am a bundle of nerves until they move on. I went into such a panic at the supermarket the other day when I couldn't see our car but then I had just parked a few spaces further than I thought.

I know it is so darn foolish to be so nervous. Nothing happened to me and it was just a car. But for some reason, this time I just can't shake the fear, no matter how much I try. I tell myself there are so many people that have been victims of much bigger crimes or have so much more horrible or terrible problems to worry about, but I still have this fear. Will it ever go away this time? Maybe voicing it here will help?

Anyway, back to the phone call. Some people have been trying to get neighbourhood watch programs started. But it is being blocked by the other party who say it will just be vigilantism and they don't want that. Can you believe that? Afraid of a neighbourhood watch program? You have got to be kidding me!

I am all for a neighbourhood watch. I think it will help a lot. And it might not only help me feel better than I do now. We also have problems with a neighbour who has made it their mission in life to take their frustrations out on us. Just little things like tipping our rubbish out on our doorstep, or letting down the electric fence so that Pico can get out. We know who it is because I opened the front door while they were right in the middle of tipping the rubbish out on our doorstep and so drunk they could hardly stand. So I would really like a neighbourhood watch for this reason too. But most of all, I am hoping that it would relieve some of my fear and help me to relax a bit.

Well now you know my biggest secret. I know it is so silly to have so much fear over something so small. But I do. And I just cant believe that people would be opposed to a neighbourhood watch. I can't understand that at all. What are they really afraid of?